There are many people feverishly posting New Year’s Posts and spreading their new found enlightenment across the web. I am happy for them that they are so full of vigor and can plan out a new year in its entirety. As young as 16 I remember resolving not to drink anymore. Yes, at 16 I knew I had a problem. However for me, it’s never worked like that. First and foremost my anxiety is driven by the thoughts I have of the future. If I don’t stay grounded and focus on what I’m doing NOW, those small fears grow into huge monsters.
Another reason New Year’s Resolutions never worked for me is the pressure of deciding I will be someone else when I wake up tomorrow. I learned early on that I am far too sick and broken to find over night, what I have been actively searching for my whole life. Each day I wake up is somewhat of a resolution, but on a daily basis. It’s not because I change the calendar to a new month and year.
Each morning I wake up earlier than the rest so I can pray and meditate to ground myself. I must remember I only have this day and I can handle whatever happens, without reaching for a release. Meditation and prayer is such a personal thing, and I don’t know what works for everyone. Maybe we can think of this as a daily resolution… “I resolve not to drink today” or “I will do something to help someone else.” I do know back when I started this morning ritual, I really wasn’t sure how it would pan out. I have always wanted to see what I was going to gain before I ever tried anything, I have always chased a quick fix. There’s nothing quick about this process, at least not for me, but I have never been worse off for getting up and doing it.
“Recovery is not where we arrive, but rather a state of being”…….JeanIrvin